"A place from which one's strength of character is drawn. A place in which we know exactly who we are. The place from which we speak our deepest beliefs." Querencia is what that place is called and my querencia is the 6th grade classroom at St. John the Baptist Catholic School located in the midst of Kalihi. There are way better places to let go of your stress and difficulties other than a classroom owned by a small school, and a classroom is usually where all of the stress and difficulties develop from. But this classroom holds memories and creates new ones and somehow releases every single form of difficulty until it completely leaves your mind. It's a place where I can talk freely, move as I wish, and be the person who doesn't have the slightest concern of what people think.
The 6th grade classroom is always the first place I stopped by whenever I visited the school. It's like a medical treatment that is mandatory for me to have daily. Each time I enter this room, my initial thought is I can move around and talk to random people and do what I want (most of the time). It reminds me that I passed middle school, passed the 6th grade, and achieved what I had to know. Not only does it remind me that I was educated for 6th grade, but it reminds me that this is home. A home very close to my actual home. It's a place where I recall joyous occasions and humorous events and laugh about it over and over again. A place where I can neglect distress and anxiety. A place where I can simply escape and break free.
On the last few days of school, when I had already graduated but all the grades below still had school, I would come to visit, simply because I was so used to going there. I couldn't just leave after graduating, I didn't want my graduation day to be the last time I ever stepped foot in there. If you're really fond of a place, you're not just going to go there once, you would want to come again right? When I'm not in there, I felt so empty and bleak. I can't explain it well in words, but my heart would beat out of my chest and I would long to go inside there and nag my friends to come with me. It was just something essential to my life, something so vital. It makes me completely forget the dreadful things that exists and helps me to think that there is content in this world. I never thought of a place so remarkable to me would be a classroom, but it just so happens that it is and it's never something I'm ashamed of admitting.
It's the classroom that I was so eager to be in and so disappointed to leave. It had a corner with a rug filled with stuffed animals in various sizes where we would sometimes play games or even sleep, and right next to it was shelves full of books of all genres. There was a wall in the back of the class with a poster of my class when we were in 6th grade filled with a recollection of the most reminiscing times. In the front of the class was the teacher's desk consisting of a bucket of expo markers and the white board behind it. The white board wasn't only used by the teacher but used by the students to express their thoughts through dry erase markers. To the left was the teacher's second desk (where they do all their paperwork), where I remember having random and unreasonable conversations with my friends and the most laid back teachers. And in the center of the classroom were the desks. The desks that allowed us to start conversations, to store all of our belongings and to be surrounded by the people we enjoyed having around. This isn't just a 6th grade classroom, this is my querencia.
Great job i like how you explained how 6 grade is your special place and how you really liked it. I like how you are showing how 6 grade was good too you instead of telling how it was. I like how your paragraphs are effective form. I like how you are talking to me in this story instead of me reading it. Your story persuade me to think how you think of your special place.
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ReplyDeleteWonderful! As I read through your essay I was able to clearly imagine the scenery of your classroom and feel how important it was to you. However, I feel that you should add some more evidence as to why the sixth grade classroom was so important to you. For example, a memory that you are fond of that was created through the classroom. If you provide the readers with more examples of why the classroom is more important to you the purpose would be even stronger. But, your essay was still enjoyable to read. it didn't extend on an topic but it just kept on explaining the audience about why the classroom was your querencia. Not only that, as part of the audience I loved the way you gave me imagery. Your details of the classroom painted a picture in my mind of it. (this is purpose)
ReplyDeleteHowever, I felt that the form could be changed, it is more comfortable for the reader. Instead of having the second paragraph talking about how the classroom was so vital towards you, I think it should be placed in the last paragraph. That's because, I believe the last paragraph should be the reflection. And then the last paragraph should be the second paragraph so you can provide the readers an image of the classroom sooner, so they can become absorbed in your essay faster.
In terms of content, i thought it was covered wonderfully. Your use of words was done great because, each paragraph had an abundance of readers but, at the same time there's not too much. Also, I can clearly see how much this place was important to you because, in paragraphs 2 and 3 you wrote it out in a way that provided us an insight into your feelings. Meaning, your content was awesome.
Moving onto, conventions I don't have much to say. I thought that every part of your essay was on point. For instance, your sentence fluency was amazing, as I read on in your essay everything flowed so well. For example, in your second paragraph each sentence flowed and wasn't choppy, Every sentence had meaning in them and wasn't random at all. Also, your usage in grammar like the quotations or italicizing the words was also great. I felt that you used those grammar marks to bring out the essay's greatest form. For example, when you wrote, "I can move around and talk to random people and do what I want (most of the time)," you italicized the words. This was done correctly because, you were highlighting your thoughts. In terms of mechanics I felt you also were a pro at it because, you didn't use commas for something weird but, to list stuff. Also, periods were placed in their correct slots as well. And then, your sentence structure was also great because, every single one of them didn't seem off to me (at least in my opinion). But, in terms of paragraph structure as I said before, I think it could be rearranged.
ReplyDeleteMoving onto, voice, I also felt that you pulled it off in this essay. That's because, when I could tell that it was yours. Meaning, I knew it was your essay since, I've read many of your works already. I can't describe accurately about how your voice shined through the essay but, it did. Going onto personal comments, I also think you were great at that. For example, your last paragraph when you were describing the classroom, you didn't just paint the picture but added in your feelings. For instance, when you were talking about desks you didn't just tell us what it looked like but your feeling about it. Also, in the first paragraph when you italicized the sentence you did it in a way that was effective towards the essay.
Lastly, the final purpose, which you did persuade me. You persuaded me that this classroom was your special place. When you wrote out paragraphs 1-3, I was already convinced that this wasn't an ordinary classroom but, your safe haven. Each detail that you wrote told me that this was your querencia. For instance, in the second paragraph, when you wrote, "When I'm not in there, I felt so empty and bleak. I can't explain it well in words, but my heart would beat out of my chest and I would long to go inside there and nag my friends to come with me," I was able to see your feelings without this classroom. I knew that this place was vital towards you. Overall, I thought this essay was wonderful but, with a few fixes I think it can be great.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE REFLECTION ON HOW YOU FEEL NOW THAT YOU ARE OLDER, WHAT WILL YOU DO SINCE THAT IS SUCH A SPECIAL PLACE TO YOU, WILL YOU TRY TO GO BACK THERE OR WILL YOU TRY TO FIND A NEW PLACE. MS(3+)
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